Step 9-Amends Are Changes Not Apologies

“Made direct amends to such people, wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.” Step 9 Many people find this step… challenging. Fortunately, in CoDA, we have a method for making amends. It helped me to hear someone say at a meeting, “you don’t apologize to the Constitution, you amend it”.Continue reading “Step 9-Amends Are Changes Not Apologies”

Breaking the barrier of perfectionism

I’m a double winner of sorts…recovering co-dependent and a recovering perfectionist.
Codependents often are other-focused. We often care too much about what others think about us. We believe the lie that our value comes from outside ourselves so it’s important to us that we appear perfect.

Have Your Way

by a recovering co-dependent 🙂 This song by Britt Nicole helped me when I was new to recovery and going through a difficult time in my life. I was learning how to develop trust in a Higher Power. Surrender was unfamiliar to me. Fear of the unknown future was paralyzing. The lyrics, especially in theContinue reading “Have Your Way”

Step 9   Trauma-Informed

by Terrie C. The Aqua CoDA book for Step 8, which is the preparation step for making amends, advises that the first person we need to have on our list is ourselves.  We have harmed ourselves the most and been unable to escape ourselves.  Yet, what most often happens is that we skip over that,Continue reading “Step 9   Trauma-Informed”

hope for healthy relationships

Once upon a time, I became obsessed with a narcissist. All I wanted was for him to commit to me and me alone.  We had so much in common.  I loved him and he loved him.  This was my unconscious pattern.  I’d done it before in my past relationships. I tried everything I could thinkContinue reading “hope for healthy relationships”

step 11, spiritual awareness

by Terrie C.  The principle of Step 11 is SPIRITUAL AWARENESS.  Prayer means asking.  Meditation is a form of listening.  AWARENESS comes from recognizing that we have had a Higher Power who cares for us, even when we may be not in touch with that knowledge.  My experience of prayer is asking the Higher PowerContinue reading “step 11, spiritual awareness”

Justice

an essay on Step 9 by Terrie C. In the Aqua CoDA book for Step 8 which is the preparation step for making amends it advises that the first person we need to have on our list is ourselves.  That we have harmed ourselves the most and been unable to escape ourselves.  Yet, what mostContinue reading “Justice”

The codependent parent trap

Parenting is hard. Being a codependent is challenging. Being a codependent parent is, well… something else. And even better, I find myself faced with the colliding specters of my own menopause and my daughter’s adolescence. The compulsive nature of my behaviors can be frustrating. For many years, I kept falling into a codependent parent trap.Continue reading “The codependent parent trap”