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What is codependence?

We found in each of our lives that codependence is a most deeply-rooted, compulsive behavior and that it is born out of our… dysfunctional family systems.

~CoDA Welcome

Codependence is a disease that affects our lives in many ways; our personal lives, work, health, and spiritual growth can all be impacted. If left untreated, it causes us to become more destructive to ourselves and others. Our behaviors and their roots can often be obstacles to maintaining healthy, nurturing relationships.

We have found these patterns of behavior fall into five major categories: denial, low self-esteem, compliance, control and avoidance.

Girl looking at her reflection in a lake of water

How do I know if I am co-dependent?

It all begins with an honest look at ourselves.

~Co-Dependents Anonymous Book

CoDA is a non-professional fellowship and offers no diagnostic criteria for codependence. We do provide a list of 55 patterns and characteristics which can help us to identify our codependent behaviors. We believe recovery begins with an honest self-diagnosis.

Answers to questions like the following can help us determine how we’ve looked to others to provide for our emotional well-being.

  • Do I control others to relieve my fears?
  • Do I let others control me for fear of their abuse or neglect?
  • Do I adapt or change my behavior for others?
  • Do I get my sense of worth as a person from others?
  • Do I avoid others in order to feel safe?
healthy relationships recovery event

Is CoDA right for me?

The only requirement for membership is a desire for healthy and loving relationships.

~The Preamble

CoDA is a 12 Step Fellowship and peer support group. It aims to create a safe environment for those wishing recovery from dysfunctional relationships, providing anonymity and freedom from judgement or feedback. In CoDA we share our own experience, strength, and hope. We do not give advice.

Other 12 Step groups, like AA or Al-anon support people or friends of people, who have addictions such as alcohol. CoDA supports people to create healthy relationships starting with themselves, whether or not addictions exist in their lives.

The video below was produced by CoDA International. Feel free to share it with others via social media or email.

More info for newcomers

Recent Posts

How do I get a sponsor?

by RM, posted in sponsorship in CoDA

People in our fellowship often ask this. Below is information taken from CoDA to guide us. Find more details at CoDA.org under the Outreach section. Traditional Sponsorship The place to begin the search for a sponsor is often in your home group or local meetings. Some meetings offer a list of CoDA members willing to be sponsors … Continue reading How do I get a sponsor?

Trauma Informed Recovery

by RM, posted in abuse-physical/mental-emotional/sexual/neglect, family dysfunction, healing, recovery patterns (RPCs), recovery stories

What I hope to do here is inspire you to learn more about trauma, as it is a way of unhooking ourselves from the shame we experienced in our early life. There is a link between shame and blame, and also shame and rage. I know many of you may already be doing trauma work. We can all benefit from talking about it more.

Self-compassion toward our bodies by Dr Kristin Neff

by RM, posted in articles, feelings, healing, stress

It’s common for us to feel uncomfortable about our bodies, especially after the holiday season. We may judge them as not thin enough or attractive enough or strong enough or young enough or healthy enough. An important part of self-compassion is extending kindness and care to the physical form we inhabit, appreciating its gifts rather … Continue reading Self-compassion toward our bodies by Dr Kristin Neff

Step 9   Trauma-Informed

by RM, posted in recovery stories, step work

by Terrie C. The Aqua CoDA book for Step 8, which is the preparation step for making amends, advises that the first person we need to have on our list is ourselves.  We have harmed ourselves the most and been unable to escape ourselves.  Yet, what most often happens is that we skip over that, … Continue reading Step 9   Trauma-Informed

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