Step 10

In this moment, I live my life in a new way.
As I continue to open my heart and mind, little by little,
one day at a time, I reveal my true self, mend my relationships,
and touch God.

Step 10 Prayer

The 10th Step Prayer is my favorite one of the 12. What a hope-filled affirmation of the gift of the program of Co-Dependents Anonymous. So this Step is part of my daily maintenance and in doing this, I get to keep open the path to my Higher Power.

In the AA Big Book, it speaks of a daily reprieve based on the maintenance of my spiritual condition. In CoDA, we also can have this daily reprieve from our codependent behaviors and the codependent mind. It is also based on the maintenance of our spiritual condition.

So looking back to Step 3…made a decision. This is an important point in my recovery. From there, I can see in the distance Step 11 where I ask only for God’s will and the power to carry it out. First a decision, then living that out. How do I do that? How do I turn my life over? That’s where the next 6 Steps come in… ending with Step 10. I use the next 6 Steps to clear away any blockages that exist between me and my Higher Power.

I take all the time that is necessary… and it can take a long time. What ways have I made myself into God, or made other people, things or situations into God? Identifying, with self-compassion, my weaknesses, defense mechanisms, controlling behaviors, false beliefs, lack of boundaries and actions which have hurt myself and those around me.

The Steps 4-9 help me through this transformation process. The first 9 steps help me shift the focus from myself and others to God. Then Step 10 allows me a chance to keep my side of the street clean and the pathway to God open as I begin to live life in this new way. Reflecting on questions like…

  • Who/what was my Higher power today?
  • What feelings came up?
  • Have I built fear or trust today?
  • Using the Recovery Patterns of Codependence, what codependent pattern(s) resonate? Where was I on the “In Recovery” side?
  • How have I accepted myself and others?
  • What self-care did I do today?
  • Do I owe an amend to anyone including myself and God?
  • Some gratitude for… ?

These and other questions can help in self-reflection. It is important to point out here that CoDA teaches us to avoid self-shame because that is “indulging, once-again, in our own self-abuse”. Another form of self-abuse is “knowing what we need to do for ourselves and neglecting it”. So here my Higher Power can help me again. I can ask for “God’s help and grace to accept and forgive” myself and for God’s strength to correct my wrongs and change my behaviors.

I’d love to hear what other questions you find helpful in your Step 10 reflections… post in the comments if you wish to share your experience!

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