detachment

by Terrie C.
Abuse wounds our spirits.  Living with the effects of abuse is too devastating for most people to bear without help.

Detachment helps us give ourselves what we need

Detachment is a tool for recovering people. Through detachment we learn we were not responsible for the abuse done to us. We also learn we cannot control whether the perpetrator chooses to accept responsibility for the abuse, or whether others we are in relationship with believe us or support our recovery. We learn to let go of obsessing about another’s behavior. We begin to lead happier and more manageable lives. Lives with dignity and rights. Lives guided by a spirit greater than ourselves. In recovery, we learn…

  • Not to suffer because of the actions or reactions of others;
  • Not to allow ourselves to be used or abused in the interest of another;
  • Not to do for others what they need to do for themselves;
  • Not to manipulate situations or other people;
  • Not to cover-up for another’s mistakes or misdeeds;
  • Not to create a crisis,
  • Not to prevent a crisis if it is in the natural course of events.

Detachment is neither kind, nor unkind. It does not imply evaluation of the person or situation from which we are detaching. It is simply a means to look at our problems realistically and to give ourselves what we need. It aids us in making intelligent decisions.

Changed slightly from Al Anon version to make it more inclusive

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